FAQ for Clients: First Look

One topic of conversation that always seems to come up when going over the wedding schedule and details with my brides and grooms is this: Should we see each other before the ceremony? I know firsthand that traditions (especially wedding traditions!) die hard here in the South, so I thought I’d take a moment to go into exactly what a “First Look” is and why I believe this is one tradition worth breaking.

First of all, we have to go back to the root of the tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each other until the bride walks down the aisle. This dates back to the practice of arranged marriages. Basically, the bride’s family was afraid that if the groom saw her beforehand that he would think she was too ugly and back out. (This is also where the tradition of wearing a veil comes from… but that’s another debate!) But I do realize that since then, it has transformed into more of a building of suspense, so that the couple can have this major “wow” moment where it all sort of hits them at once as they’re seeing each other in their wedding clothes. Many brides want their grooms to be completely floored when they see them all done up and beaming radiantly. And you know what, I totally get it. Weddings are supposed to be magical and full of emotion and you want all of the suspense to make it really special.

However. And this is a big however. Who says that this really special moment has to be during your ceremony and in front of every single one of your guests? Why not plan for this moment to take place before the ceremony, in total privacy (except for the photographer off in the distance, of course!), so that you can really take the time to soak it all in? Let me first speak as a former bride myself when I say that one of the best decisions Jamie and I made was to see each other beforehand. Our photographer led us to a quiet little area away from the commotion, had Jamie turn his back to me, and had me walk up behind him and have him turn around to see me for the first time. And I gotta say, it was nice to just SEE him after having been apart all day long. It made me much less nervous, and we got to catch up on everything that had been going on that morning and share our excitement with each other. And you know what? That was the ONLY moment we had alone, just the two of us, until we left the reception that night. I mean, think about it. If you wait until the ceremony to see each other, after it’s over, you’re literally swept away by guests and by your family and by your photographer, because from that moment onward everything is scheduled and you have a whole lot of people to talk to. And the other HUGE bonus was that we were able to knock out ALL of our family and bridal party pictures before the ceremony, so that they were all able to start eating and drinking immediately after the ceremony with the rest of the guests, while Jamie and I and our photographer snuck off to do some more portraits of just the two of us. And twenty minutes later, BOOM, all formal pictures were done and we had the rest of the night to relax and party and let Andy just capture all the candids. I truly believe that this decision made our wedding 1000% less stressful and rushed, and we got the best possible pictures because of it. (Also, we timed the ceremony so that right afterward was the beautiful golden hour, and Andy was able to get some stellar shots of the two of us.) You might ask, but what about when you walked down the aisle? Was it any less special or memorable? And to that I would say, absolutely not. If anything, I think it made this moment better, because I was not only focused on Jamie waiting at the end of the aisle, but I was also able to look around at all the people I loved who were there to support us and REALLY take in how powerful it all was. And I’ll tell you this… during our first look, I didn’t cry, but when my dad and I turned the corner and began to walk down the aisle, I straight up LOST it, which I think speaks strongly to the fact that this moment is less about seeing what each other looks like on the outside and more about what you’re feeling on the inside.

And now I will take off my bride hat and put on my photographer hat to add a couple more benefits of the First Look that I have noticed since I began shooting weddings myself. There are the obvious benefits of having all of your formal pictures done before the ceremony, but think about this. The majority of my group formals are shot outdoors in natural light because I think this makes for the most timeless, classic look. But say you want to do a late afternoon or evening ceremony. If we can’t do the formals until after the ceremony, I will likely have to set up my flashes, and you may not get exactly the kind of photos you would have wanted or expected from me based on other weddings you’ve seen. Obviously, this is less of an issue if you have a morning or early afternoon ceremony, but it’s certainly something worth considering. Because formal portraits (including family and bridal party) usually last about an hour and a half, give or take, you would have to factor that time in to your schedule, and if you wait until after the ceremony, you run the risk of missing your cocktail hour, if not a good chunk of your own reception. And if you decide to just forgo a lot of the formals in order to go off and enjoy the reception (which happens more often than not), you might end up looking back on your photos later on and regretting not getting that one shot of you and your great-grandmother that you really wanted.

With all of this said, please understand that if you really want to see your bride or groom for the first time during the ceremony, I will certainly not rob you of your excitement for that moment by insisting that everything be done the way I would ideally want it to be done. And there are many cases where the schedule of the day allows for plenty of time after the ceremony for photos, and that’s cool too. If you make that choice, I will fully support you and I will make it work a la Tim Gunn. Of course I want nothing but the best for you and your photographs. But I would be remiss not to put all this out there, because I feel that a large part of my duty as your photographer is to educate and guide you in whatever way I can in order for you to have the best possible wedding day experience and the best possible images to remember it by. And speaking from my own experience as both a bride and a photographer, the First Look is truly one of those things I’m passionate about and would love for all my brides to consider.

Finally, I’ll leave you with two First Looks that really touched me this year: Susan and Lane‘s and Lindsay and Michael‘s. I hope these images inspire you to consider that special moments don’t only have to happen on the aisle. :)