FAQ for Clients: Choosing your Wedding Music

Having been to quite a few weddings, both as the photographer and as a guest, there is one thing that as always stands out to me as separating a fun party from a REALLY fun party: the music. And music is one of those things that can easily stump people who aren’t DJs by trade. There are a lot of nuances involved in reading a crowd, making smooth transitions into different genres, and most importantly, filling up that dance floor until the venue is kicking everyone out.

Obviously, you have several options when selecting your wedding day music. You can have a string quartet play classical selections as you walk down the aisle. You could opt to have a band perform jazz standards during dinner. You might want to hire a DJ to keep the party going until the sparklers are lit and it’s time to say goodbye. OR perhaps you’ll choose all of the above? It’s largely a matter of personal taste. At my own wedding, we had a couple of songs performed live by friends during the ceremony, but all the music played during dinner and dancing came straight from our Macbook, which was manned by one of our best friends. But more on that in a second.

If you choose to have live music played, I would highly recommend that you do your research. Lordy, we’ve all seen The Wedding Singer… truth is, there are loads of terrible bands out there, especially ones who specialize in weddings. You run the risk of cheese overload and having to listen to all of your favorite songs be butchered by off-key singing and spontaneous lyric-changing. However, there are also plenty of really good bands out there. One of my favorites this year played at Sean and Elana’s reception. Sean later told me that the band invited them to come see them play another event to get a feel for their sound and energy. Turns out they ended up going to a party at a nursing home, and he said they knew right away that this was the band for them because they had the whole room rocking out. And I think that’s excellent advice for anyone. Ask potential bands if there will be any opportunities for you to see them perform in another venue before you decide to hire them. Because man, if they can work a nursing home party, chances are good that they’ll be able to handle your wedding reception. :) I gotta say, I’m always a wee skeptical of wedding bands, but this one was legit… they were able to pull off everything from Frank Sinatra to Ray Lamontagne to the Black Eyed Peas. And if a band can do that, I’d say they’re definitely worth the expense.

If you’re not interested in hiring a more traditional wedding band, take a cue from Leila and Vidur, whose wedding I shot in Asheville last October. They hired a band local to the area called Now You See Them. I’m fairly certain that this was the first time they had played a wedding, but they did an amazing job. Their indie-folk sound was perfect for an outdoor fall wedding at a barn, and they put their own spin on quite a few classics, which of course pleased the guests who may have been skeptical of them at first. So if you tend to like a more alternative sound, consider looking into some bands in the area who may not typically play weddings. Just be sure to insist on some sort of contract and talk about all your expectations up front so you’re not disappointed if they lack experience in managing the wedding circuit.

If you decide to forgo live music for budgetary reasons (or just because you’re dissatisfied with the options out there), there is no shame in creating your own playlist and plugging in that laptop at the reception. Like I said, this is the route we went, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. But if you do this, I have a few tips for you, based on my own personal experience:

1. Make sure the speakers are GOOD.

We made a boo-boo when we were planning all the music stuff out because, silly us, we just assumed that our rental company would provide adequate speakers if we were having to pay a pretty penny to use them for one day. Uh, yeah, not so much. When those things were delivered to our venue, all we could do was laugh. Our whole wedding was outdoors and we had around 250 guests, and these puny little speakers looked no bigger than the ones I had on my stereo at home. But this late in the game, we couldn’t just go out and get new ones. Thankfully, my amazing cousin Will, who is a musician himself, had brought along his speakers in the trunk of his car. I’m fairly certain that was divine intervention, because no way would we have expected anyone to come in and save the day like that. Because of those speakers, the music was saved, and the sound ended up being fantastic. (Thanks again Will!) So lesson learned… make sure you have the right equipment if you go the DIY route!

2. Put someone you trust in charge of manning the laptop.

In our case, we asked our good friend Brandon to be in charge of all things music for the day. This worked out well because his wife Megan was my maid of honor, so he was planning to be there for the long haul anyway. To say he’s proficient with computers is an understatement, and he has excellent taste in music, so we knew he’d be perfect for the job. During the ceremony, we had the laptop set up over to the side, and he played the songs as I had organized them beforehand. Then, he just moved everything over to under the tent for the reception, and fortunately the rest of the night was a little more relaxed, so he was able to also eat and dance with everyone else while keeping an eye on the laptop. What was great about having a designated person in charge was that there wasn’t mass chaos around the laptop all night, with people trying to figure out what songs were on the playlist and skipping ahead to the ones they wanted to hear. I’m sure Brandon got sick of telling people that he didn’t have a particular Billy Joel song or the Electric Slide (I despise that song and forbade it from coming near our wedding :), but it was nice to have someone there to play the role of the DJ for us.

3. Do your research and choose your music thoughtfully.

Because Jamie and I love music and have very eclectic taste, I totally obsessed over how our music would fit the overall feel and theme of our wedding. We did a lot of non-traditional things (at least, they were non-traditional for the South in 2008, which believe it or not has changed a lot in the last couple of years), so we had no issue forgoing the bridal march and “Butterfly Kisses” for the father-daughter dance. Looking back, I’m really proud of the choices we made. Some of the songs were indie, some were classics, some were hymns, some were Dolly Parton (who is in a genre all on her own), and I love that. It’s one of the things I remember and cherish most about that day. Just to give you an idea, here are the main songs we chose: “Be Thou My Vision,” sung a cappella by my super talented cousin Elisa during the ceremony; “Little Did I Know” by Over the Rhine, performed by our friends Adam and Britta; “The Luckiest” by Ben Folds for the processional; “Such Great Heights” by the Postal Service for the recessional; “Marry Me” by Dolly Parton for the song after the recessional; “First Day of My Life” by Bright Eyes for our first dance; “When I’m 64″ by the Beatles for the father-daughter dance; and “Beautiful Boy” by John Lennon (performed by Celine Dion) for the mother-son dance. I also divided the music up into different sections throughout the evening. Before the ceremony, we put together a mix of some of our favorite indie-ish love songs to play while guests were being seated. Then, during dinner, because our overall theme was very Southern and vintage (which again, even just 2 years ago, was considered pretty offbeat), I put together a mix of old standards from the 40′s and 50′s, including the Andrews Sisters and Ray Charles and a lot of other very nostalgic-feeling songs. THEN I divided the dancing music into two parts. The first half was full of classics and crowd-pleasers, safe enough for the grandparents but recognizable enough that most people would want to dance to them. These were songs like “Great Balls of Fire,” “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” “Twist and Shout,” a little Elvis, a little Elton, a little Sinatra, etc. If you want to initially get a lot of people on the dance floor, this is one of the best ways to do it, because people want to dance to songs that are familiar to them and remind them of happy times. Then, during the second half, we stuck with songs that would mostly appeal to our generation… the Top 40 hits and the kind of power ballads that end up getting sung at college parties by groups of people standing in a circle and swaying. (Oh yes. I’ve been there. Tiny Dancer, anyone?) One mistake I’ve seen is a refusal by brides and grooms to have certain kinds of songs played because they’re not really the partying type. But oh girl, there are nights when I’m in bed at 9:00 and I still know how to break it down and have a good time if the music’s right. :) These days, if you want people dancing, you need Lady Gaga. You need Ke$ha. You need Usher and Michael Jackson and Pitbull and Journey and Katy Perry and Justin Timberlake. It’s just a fact. I mean, you don’t have to have your playlist come straight from current radio hits, but again, people like dancing to songs they know, and for most people, the songs they know are the songs they hear on the radio and at clubs. If you’re worried about what Grandma’s gonna think, just download the edited versions. :)

For some AMAZING wedding music inspiration, PUH-LEASE go check out this amazing blog called Hi-Fi Weddings. Ashley has done an amazing job of compiling great music from all genres and making crazy-good playlists. She also regularly features real weddings that have a specific focus on music, and they generally include their actual complete playlist, so this is a great way to see what has worked for other couples.

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One last thing. Whether you make your own mix or hire a DJ or band, do yourself a favor and burn a CD with most of the songs that were played during your wedding. I listened to my mixes on repeat before the wedding (to make sure that everything flowed well), but I found myself putting them on again and again months later, just to be reminded of how much fun our wedding was. I think that next to your photographs and video, this is one of the absolute best ways to relive your day. Some of my fondest memories are of Jamie’s best man Bryce doing the Thriller dance, which he had been teaching himself with YouTube for weeks beforehand, and everyone belting out the lyrics to the Grease Megamix (another FANTASTIC song for all generations) and seeing our friends Jewett and Brad, who couldn’t be more different, both leading the Soulja Boy superman dance and everyone hanging on each other (either because they were feeling the love or were just plain buzzed) singing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin” at the end of the night. Good, good times.

And I’ll never forget watching the series premiere of Glee last year. It’s still my favorite episode, and one of the things I love most about it is that they featured three songs from our wedding- the Grease song, Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab”, and, of course, the unforgettable Journey scene. It just made me so darn happy.

And that, my friends, is the power of music. So choose wisely! :)

And what does this all have to do with photography? Well, let’s just say that the better the music, the more rockin’ your reception photos are gonna be: